Jystana's Short Fiction Folio

Poetry forum.
Post Reply
User avatar
Jystana
Honored Resident
Honored Resident
Posts: 1106
Joined: 10/03/05

Jystana's Short Fiction Folio

Post by Jystana » 02/28/12

Please feel free to critique anything that is linked here.

For Love of a Desert Rose
The Scribe's Frostfell
Minion
Jystana's Frostfell
Wild Fires
A Matter of Pride
The mourning braid and the handfasting cord
Empty Palm
My love, a turtledove

In the NSFW area I have a post linking a collection of stories that I did with poMace and an assortment of other characters. They are rather dark and explicit and are the only writing I have ever done of this type: The Collector Series

User avatar
Jystana
Honored Resident
Honored Resident
Posts: 1106
Joined: 10/03/05

Re: Jystana's Short Fiction Folio

Post by Jystana » 02/29/12

The Haircut

He didn’t tell her where they were going and she didn’t ask. Most of the time now it didn’t matter what he wanted to do, she just wanted to be with him holding his hand so tightly that her knuckles turned white. They had never stopped holding hands when they would drive even after fourteen years of marriage, but now it was like their hands were clinging to every moment afraid to let go. She even slept closer to him, like a second skin. It was hard to see where she ended and he began.

She knew when the phone rang, and tears spilled from her eyes silently. She hadn’t sobbed or even breathed it seemed while the doctor spoke to him a mere echo from miles and miles away. It was like she had been punched in the stomach and all the air was driven out of her preventing any sound. He knew before her, the radiology technicians needed better poker faces, and he had told her so on the phone on his way home from his CT scan. She, however, had held on to the hope that he had read them wrong and was just nervous of the unknown. Absurd that a muscle pull and a lump he never felt could be the cause of so many tears from a woman who rarely cried.

When they arrived, she just squeezed his hand and followed him in. The place smelled of cigars, sandalwood and beer. There was a pair of men playing pool with their complimentary ale close by waiting for their appointments, but he barely even glanced at them as he spoke to the receptionist.

"I have an appointment at 7:00," he said and deftly the receptionist's manicured fingers flew over her keyboard as she pulled up his information.

"Jessica is ready for you, her chair is that second to last one on the right. You can head on back."

Absently he ran his fingers through his deep brown hair. It was thick and unruly at times, but his wife loved it. She played with it often, sometimes without even noticing that she did it. He sat in the chair and stared at himself. There was no reason to do this now. None. He could wait. He'd heard that not everyone lost their hair, some just thinned a little.

The hair dresser chattered on inanely about her day. It was late and she had more than one customer that she wished she hadn’t. It was starting to get cold, and the leaves were changing colors. The distance between her reality and his was vaster than the universe.

He frowned, which caused his brows to crease in an expression that was unusual for a face that clearly held far more laugh lines than anything else. Fuck it, he thought to himself. I'm deciding when I go bald. Me. Not this damn disease. This I can control. This is my choice, not something I am going to be victim to.

He turned to the hairdresser who had not even paused in her babble and nodded to her.

"Take it all off."
Last edited by Jystana on 03/01/12, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
Anyastasia
Resident
Resident
Posts: 228
Joined: 09/17/11

Re: Jystana's Short Fiction Folio

Post by Anyastasia » 03/01/12

I have to say, the underlying elements of The Haircut, the untouched emotion and the dread that it pulls up is very strong. And it definitely brought a tear to my eye. Very strong. I love it.

Just an add-on edit...

I sincerely hope that you get For Love of a Desert Rose published someday. That story drew me up swiftly. The twist, hah, that definitely caught me by surprise and I enjoyed it even more for that reason.
Last edited by Anyastasia on 03/01/12, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
Dramira
Resident
Resident
Posts: 225
Joined: 05/18/11

Re: Jystana's Short Fiction Folio

Post by Dramira » 03/01/12

I really like the haircut. Your visuals are good and the mood is set just right. It has a lot to say for a short. Well written! <3

User avatar
Jystana
Honored Resident
Honored Resident
Posts: 1106
Joined: 10/03/05

Re: Jystana's Short Fiction Folio

Post by Jystana » 03/01/12

Thank you both.

And Anyastasia, I wouldn't even begin to know where to get something published, and I am a big old chicken anyway and don't know how I'd handle getting rejected!

Post Reply