Diaries, logs, and personal notes.
- Posts: 22
- Joined: 01/08/16
The leather was worn under her fingers, the texture of something well-used over many years. Every time she touched the codex, it reminded her of the memories it had seen. It was no ordinary book and yet it was not a great artifact or a powerful talisman from the past. It held significance to her but she would be the only person it did. Diary was a silly word for it. Journal seemed more apt but failed to acknowledge its power.
When she cracked the spine, it opened to blank pages of old vellum. There were no marks on the page, no words, no stains. Not even the indentation of a quill. It revealed nothing but held everything. If she said the right words with the date, the page would fill with hasty scrawl of her hand, detailing the joys and pains that she had dared to write. Once the book was closed, the words would disappear into a nameless void where the rest of its' many secrets hid.
Soulday the 13th, Deepice
It has been many months since I have written my thoughts down on paper, even here. I know being busy is not a valid excuse. Even though it is a true statement about my life of late. Construction on the museum is in full swing and I can see the future more accurately every day in my mind. I imagine seeing the doors finally open, and the last brick that is laid will be the most satisfaction and accomplishment I have had in years. I suspect that the rest of the Council will feel the same.
Seeing my dreams come to fruition is more surreal than I anticipated. Somehow it is easier to believe it when nightmares become part of my reality. Yet, I find myself walking through the more complete areas of the hall, running my bare fingers over brand new wood trim and admiring the marble work in the foyer. Seeing Quel run up and down the stairs as a feline made me imagine the future, where men and women of all types walk up and down those same stairs as Keepers. Perhaps even long after I myself am gone.
Slowly we have begun to hunt for new members. As construction draws to a close, we may start doing so more formally. However so far, we have acquired three new souls in the last week. Iosabella, our resident architect who learned the truth about our plans over the course of years. Reysh, who I happened to run into on one of my expeditions in people watching. Whom I will discuss in more depth at a later date. And lastly, as of tonight, Tamur, a young druid who seems to have a good heart and a strong will, despite his apparent naivety.
I am holding my hopes close to my chest for now, knowing how quickly they can be dashed. Yet it is hard not to become optimistic as everything appears to fall into place as if it is the will of the divine.
Perhaps it is.
With her signature scrawled toward the bottom of the page she began to speak softly the words to seal them within the pages until the ink disappeared into the parchment as if the ink had never spoiled the page at all.
- Posts: 22
- Joined: 01/08/16
Anger of this magnitude was not something she was accustomed to and she still doubted the honesty of the emotion as she cracked the spine of her Libram, drawing a hasty breath as she reached for a quill. It had been some time since she had written under such distress and she had to hold her quill over the well for quite a few moments to steady her hand.
Burnday the 26th, Deepice
I am uncertain of many things this morning. More than I care to even ponder but ponder them I must, if I am to find a way to make decisions about them. If I am to grow and be stronger.. to prevent this from happening in the future.
Lord Reysh lied to me and it was not a small lie. Perhaps in Neriak it is, a mixing of lies with truths and some wine does tend to be a practice accepted by many there. But to me, it is still deception.
He needs help and I can see that, despite my urge to cast him far from my life for asking me to trust him with this web of lies, only for the web of his troubles to betray him. Truthfully I should have seen it coming, I should have known what kind of men Neriak breeds and I should have known better. He swayed me with his words, his claims and his desire to be a better man. Except he was never honest about what kind of man he wanted to leave behind.
Perhaps I am naive or I find it too hard to let him go entirely but I offered him a second chance, when I had every right not to. Shiver wished to run him through but she had wished to, for more than half the evening.
Alo is the one with more insight. Maybe it is because he is a man and sees something I do not. I do not know the truth of it but I know that the decision Reysh makes over the next few days will determine whether or not he truly wishes to atone for his actions, redeem himself and become a better man. Instead of the man with jealous blood on his hands, and lies on his lips.
I do not hope for him to redeem himself to me. I do not even know where I fit into his equation. Perhaps we are still being played and he determined that my guarded heart was still an easier mark than any other approach. I do not know.
I only hope he finds what salvation he seeks, even if it is forced against his will. For now, I have others whose hearts I must mend.
She looked over her handwriting carefully, clenching the quill in her hand when she read her own words aloud in the quiet of her study, the dust of the freshly laid bricks still scattered on nearly all surfaces around her, including the page. With her eyes closed and a tightness in her chest, she began the incantation of dissolution and the dark sepia ink began to seep into the pages as it slowly disappeared.
- Posts: 22
- Joined: 01/08/16
Pacing back and forth in her office, she felt a strong urge to scream. The night before had at least ended without disaster and she had made it home alive and safe. With a final groaning sigh she sat down at her desk and abusively dropped the libram on the desk, opening it to a random page and savagely grabbing her quill out of its inkpot.
Windday the 28th, Deepice
I have not awoken with a hangover in a long time. Not since their deaths. It is silly I suppose, to drink so very much all for the sake of wanting to do and say things I cannot bring myself to say. Especially when the punishment the day before can be dismissed with a cure-all. Yet strangely, I relish the punishment and the physical distraction from my thoughts.
I waited to do it until I knew she would be with me, perhaps because I feel most secure to be hurt or pained in her presence or because I was afraid I would do something more regrettable and I have enough regrets of late. I do not know.
In that respect, I think I was wise. If nothing else, I did what I needed to.. Which is more than I can say the last time I was knocked to my knees. Am I stronger? Or am I just hardened and cold?
Am I drinking to forget? Or because I can barely feel?
Those are not things I can afford to consider now. As I should not wait too long to speak to Reysh about his visit with Illiatris and I must clear my head before I can bring myself to do that. It took every drop of my willpower not to beg her to share every detail of her visit with me. She would not even if she agreed to and I know this. She shows precisely as much as she want to, as she can.. and that is all.
Not enough to satisfy me. It never is.
The words evaporated quickly as the incantation fell from her lips with a new hastiness, the splatter of the ink from her hasty and temperamental scrawling immortalized in the book forever.
It was no more than a few hours later before she parted the aging tomeâ€™s pages again and put her quill tip to the pristine parchment. It was still hasty, but measured and careful.
It was not long before she cracked the aging tomeâ€™s spine again and put her quill tip to the pristine parchment. It was still hasty, but measured and careful.
Windday the 28th, Deepice -- Second Entry.
I do not know whether or not to be relieved my office is empty again. Or if I should be relieved that he did not grovel or beg my forgiveness. He told me the truth, he apologized in his way. Though indirect as it was.
I have not lost my temper in what seems like an eternity and I felt its shadow the first time in years. No more than I had the night of the meeting. But it is like a shadow, hanging and ready to grow if I feed it the right amount.. I am not sure of the reason but yet I wanted to yell at him and have him scream back. I still do.
But it did not happen. It would not happen. Despite every fiber of my being wanting it, craving it. I have a brandy again and it will not be the last one I have. Shiver might end me for it, but at least if she screams it will be satisfying and deserved, if only because I am so frustrated.